i am NOT a patient person at the best of times. it’s been one of life’s greatest challenges, to learn to delay my gratification, to breath through the hard bits, to just wait it out. but im getting better. much better than i was in my previous life, for example!
but right now, i find myself severely tested. i am jumping OUT OF MY SKIN right now!! its 7 more days until im on a plane across the pacific. 7 days until i get to chicago, 10 until virginia, 13 until philadelphia, and hardest of all, 17 long days until im back in new york city. i am so incredibly wound up, a crazy bouncing ball of excitement, nerves, fear, anxiety and joy. i try really hard not to have expectations these days. i know, whatever happens, im going to have a great time, and im looking forward to so many great things on this trip. seeing places i havent seen on previous trips, hanging out with donna lee and pk in philly, a great conference, exciting work opportunities. i know all of it will be fabulous. and behind all of it looms new york city. i have lots of things i want to see and do and buy there, things ive missed on previous trips. i know, no matter what happens, it will be fantastic.
but theres that little extra thing im hoping for, and i have good reason to hope, no reason to think it wont work out. but still, im scared. what if, what if, what if. its terrible what an otherwise intelligent brain can do to itself! so im just trying to breath, and let it go, and believe. what will be will be. and it will be great, i know it will.
its hard to concentrate right now though. and i do need to concentrate. i have a lot of work to get through yet. as well as fantastic feedback from one of my potential mentors, i got some great comments on the grant back from an extra person at sydney uni, really encouraging and helpful.
she said ‘there is still work to do but the draft is in very good shape’. shes not attached to the grant in any way, and shes an expert in these things, so its heartening to have her say that. ive been working on it all weekend, editing and editing and editing it again and still i am over the page limit. still, i am too wordy
me wordy? oh stop laughing! i have more to do tomorrow, more details in the budget, more editing of other parts. but its getting close. really close.
i took a break today to have a friend over for afternoon tea, she’s going to house sit for me while i’m away, so i made a chocolate flourless cake and did a bit of quality control before she got here. of course.
i tried to get some washing done when the sun came out briefly today but otherwise its just been like this
raining and raining and raining. its making it hard to start packing, ive had to go digging through my winter clothes and the spare bed is like a temporary laundry while i sort through things
and the dogs have been with me this week, which has been lovely, but they are going stir crazy. poor ricco especially, not helped by possum who stole his bed when he got up for a drink.
i dont know where she gets that kind of princess behaviour from.
and lets not even talk about knitting. ive hardly done any. i cant sit still long enough for a start. i am up to the pockets on the cardigan, but it wont be finished in time to take with me
lucky i have a few other knitted things to wear. im looking forward to the colder weather. the forecast for chicago next monday is 9 degrees celsius. positively balmy! so i just have to get through this week, get the grant finished, start teaching, organise my staff for while I’m away, placate my boss, get a flu shot, and get to a whole heap of appointments like the hairdresser and the beautician for a bit of wax and polish. you know, the important things!
but goddamn, are we there yet?!
k xx
